Posted by on Sep 1, 2017 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

If I’m being totally honest..I often times catch myself praying as if God is a magical genie in the sky who’s main purpose is to grant my every wish (desire). ‘Do this, give me that, don’t let this happen, help them’ etc. 
I actually feel quite helpless at times because I get caught in the train of thought that convinces me prayer is irrelevant. I mean, at the end of the day God is the one in charge, so regardless of what I want or pray for, I’ve come to understand that His ways are Higher. (And let’s be honest.. it doesn’t always FEEL/SEEM that way) That can be scary reality to swallow.

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I’d be a fool (and untrue to myself) if I didn’t wrestle through these lingering thoughts that occasionally resurface. I’ve seen/experienced first hand the power of prayer and healing, yet still these concerns have remained in the back of my mind.

So I decided to search / explore and ask some tough questions. Questions about doubts that don’t sound ‘Christian’. That expose my deepest suspicion and can fill me with shame just admitting to myself I’m feeling them.

I’m certain there are other more ‘politically correct’ answers /conclusions out there from super educated and amazingly wise people but these are mine. An average girl who found Jesus in my 20’s, who held my precious boy for the last time 8 years ago and have been navigating the tension of sorrow and Joy ever since.

I’ve recently discovered that the purpose of prayer is to actually empower and equip me with everything I need to allow God’s will to take precedent. Rather than praying for circumstances way out of my realm of control, I can use scripture/Truth to cover myself and others with His tangible presence. A Presence that can sustain through the grimmest of realities. A Presence that pierces the very darkness threatening to invade and destroy. Rather than feeling helpless because I feel completely out of control, I can proclaim and praise my way / others through. If I am a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit than I’m already full of His unrelenting power. I can simply use prayer to activate it.

I can cover my children in prayer that equips rather than dismantles with fear. Because I’m living the reality that though, I can have my life all mapped out, utter the pretty (genie) prayers…. life will still happen. And when it does I don’t want to be left feeling helpless/hopeless/betrayed. 

Because I’ve been there. I have still wrestled with that and I need to bury it. Not in the (shove it down and pretend everything is peachy sense), but in the (allow myself to close that door so that new life can begin to bloom.) I don’t want to get stuck there, soaring to new heights than sinking to deeper lows. Feeling like ‘what is the Point’ when the Answers have been staring me in the face all along.

The journey is necessary, I’m not here to steal that from anyone. Discovering and wrestling and coming to terms with your life is your road to walk. But we don’t have to walk alone. We can be beacons of Light for one another, championing each other along these roads that can be full of despair and doubt. Don’t ever let someone invalidate your journey, your feelings. You don’t have to pretend in order to fit into a certain mold. 
That’s the best thing about our God… come as you are, bring your concerns and fears out into the Light, you are welcome, you are Loved, you are worthy… just as you are.