The Will to Choose

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Apr01

Meet the Bowman’s (A family that YOU helped just by purchasing a t-shirt from The Will to Choose)

Posted on Apr 1 by

   A few months into our second pregnancy in December 2014, I miscarried the baby. It was a heartbreaking shock and I don’t think I’ll ever forget the emptiness I felt leaving that hospital with an empty womb and empty arms. It was deeply sad and very hard. We heeded the doctor’s recommendation and waited a month before trying again. Again I got pregnant right away. And shortly after we found out, we lost that baby too. I was furious. I had no idea why God would allow for us to lose another baby. And I was mad. I’ve never been that angry with God before in my life. I made a decision that day that no matter what happened on our journey to grow our family, that I would give it all to Him. Because even though I didn’t understand, even though I was heartbroken and furious, He was in control. And He was still writing our story. Due to my consecutive miscarriages, I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. After many tests, we were given the green...

Mar30

Confession… 

Posted on Mar 30 by

Something I’m sure that most people don’t think twice about is the sight of their precious sleeping baby/child, all peaceful and innocent. Snuggled in and relaxed. Rosy cheeked and beautiful.  After Will died that once-sacred sight absolutely terrified me. It brought a swell of emotions, flashbacks and a heart-racing panic. I never wanted to admit it because, well, I felt like such a horrible mom, not being to withstand the simple sight of my sleeping children, knowing how precious I used to think it was to stare at them sleeping. (Like literally just stare like a creeper Experiencing the death of a child is traumatic. Whether your baby is born ‘sleeping’ {I like to say born into the arms of Jesus} or you watch your child take their last breathe. Maybe you didn’t get to see them until after that final moment and seeing your child lay in a casket is the most unnatural and disturbing thing. I secretly struggled with being able to look at my children while they slept for many years, until one day I noticed...

Mar14

The story behind the Hope Garlands

Posted on Mar 14 by

“When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours” Romans 1:12 The night before Bo’s funeral, my amazing and sweet and talented friend Millie brought me the most wonderful gift. She had crocheted a heart garland in Bo’s heterotaxy colors, blue and yellow. At the time, I was lost in my own emotions and took the gift and smiled, but I was so consumed with so many negative emotions, I don’t think I could truly feel the importance of this gift. This gift meant more to me in the following year than I could have imagined.   Days after the funeral, I held this garland and cried…and prayed. I felt every emotion on every scale. This garland became my “Hope and Prayer” garland. I display it proudly in my home, as the first thing you see when you walk in. It has joined us in our family pictures to represent our little guy who couldn’t stay here on Earth long enough to bless us with his adorable...

Feb16

5 practical ways to help a grieving family 

Posted on Feb 16 by

5 Practical ways to help a family suffering through loss.. (Loss of a child from my experience) *i know my Vandalia community was just hit with a devastating teen death* 1) PRAYER. (first and foremost…) I cannot stress this one enough.. I could literally (((feel)))) the prayers after Will passed.  2) FOOOOOOD. (Start a neighborhood or community or church food tidings.. Meals are so important.. And be sure to have them span out to at least 2 months after the loss) 3-4 meals a week x 8 wks is only 30 meals or so.. Make it happen. If you can’t cook… Order some take out. Freezer meals for a later date are great as well.  3) donate money to the family to help with bereavement costs. (If you have never had to pick out plots and caskets and tombstones I will tell you.. They aren’t cheap) and or at least send a card. Write a verse or encouraging word or just sign you name.. It’s that simple.  4) if they have other children, send them a gift. (This is...

Feb15

Bo’s story… & more about the Hope garlands 

Posted on Feb 15 by

Hi friends… Mallory is the first mama joining me in this mission to help other bereaved parents. Her handmade {with love & prayers} crochet heart Hope garlands will be available on here to purchase VERY soon… {more details at the end of this post}  Here’s her story…  [This time last year my stomach and heart physically hurt From fear. We knew something was wrong. We found out at our OB/GYN appointment that told us Bo was a boy. (Even though we didn’t know “he” was a “he” until the cake cutting) They (the Drs) called me back in the room alone and told me something was wrong with our baby. I couldn’t understand her words. I tried. But I just couldn’t. I had to go get Tim from the waiting room and have them explain it again. I couldn’t move. I was numb. I was mad. Scared. Shocked. Hurt. Nervous. I wasn’t happy. I was nothing. I felt nothing… I felt… defeated. Jump forward to Cake cutting day, The day we found out in front of our friends if...

Feb10

The reality of grief… And Hope 

Posted on Feb 10 by

I wish more than anyone that exciting & monumental moments in my life and in the lives of my beautiful family could be celebrations…. [Period.] No sting of pain. No aching from the hole in my heart that I thought was healing. It’s a loud & annoying pain, too. It fills my entire body with emotions I can’t begin to describe. Memories come flooding forth that leave my mind spinning and my body depleted. The floodgates open wide and it feels like there’s no end in sight. Out of the deep abyss. Unexpected & unwelcome.  You think there are ways to {mentally prepare} yourself for certain situations and events that are approaching, but sometimes all the preparing in the world can’t avoid or escape the flood that sweeps in. Something as simple as shopping for a birthday present for a nephew or friend’s little boy can prove to be heart wrenching, as I no longer have my little boy here to shop for & celebrate. The inner turmoil is ignited in situations that most people don’t even think twice...